My First Male Stripper

Our friend Nicole encountered her very first stripper peen this weekend. She was awesome enough to write about her experience and send it over to us. Now you get to read about it, too. Thanks, Nicole! Oh, and feel free to share your own stripper stories in the comments.

copI have never seen a male stripper before, only females. My female stripper experience happened once upon a time on a drunken adventure in Tijuana, but that’s a completely different story. My first male stripper experience happened this past weekend. You’d think it would be on a night out with the girls, right? Think again.

First off, let me set the scene. My boyfriend and I had just finished work. We met up with my mom at the terminus in Brossard. Once my dad picked us up, we were on our way to Chenoy’s for my aunt’s surprise birthday party, with all our family and friends. Intrigued and confused yet? Keep reading.

Allow me to clear things up by providing a detailed description of the birthday girl. She can pound ‘em back with the best of them; she can polish off a 2-4 and still stand straight and have room for another 12 pack. Did I mention she’s 4’10” and 100 lbs soaking wet? She’s quite the wild one, and fun as hell.

So my uncle decided to throw her a big surprise party in the restaurant’s hall. The place was a decent size. We had our own wait staff, bar, dance floor and DJ… the works. And my entire gigantic family was there; even cousins of cousins. There was free wine on the tables and beer was flowing. They actually had to rush to get more beer ’cause we were pounding them back so hard.

After dinner (which was pretty good, to my surprise), my family played a slideshow for my aunt. It included a montage of lovely and sometimes embarrassing photos. What’s a 40th birthday party without those? We were laughing, we were singing, we were dancing, when all of a sudden…

The room went black.

The door to the hall opened. A cop walked in. That’s right, a cop. With everyone present and accounted for, this cop came in, found the birthday girl and proceeded to set her up in a chair in the middle of the dance floor. The real surprise of the night had arrived: a male stripper.

It would have been great for just a private show, right? But in this case, my aunt’s entire family was there. Even her mother-in-law! I couldn’t contain my laughter as my aunt was made the center of attention. When the stripper started taking his clothes off and straddling my aunt, I watched my eighty-year old grandmother (her mom) push relatives out of the way so she could go in for a closer look. Now please agree with me that that’s just not right. You have to!

Anyway, I haven’t even gotten to my experience yet. After mortifying my aunt in front of a large crowd, the stripper left. Then, my uncle ordered all the girls to bring their chairs into a circle on the dance floor. It was pretty clear what was to come! After making sure my boyfriend wouldn’t be pissed, I made my way to my assigned seat. I noticed that my father had walked out so I thought, “Sweet, my dad won’t witness my first lapdance.” The stripper then re-entered the room and started his one-on-ones two seats down from me. He was getting closer, but the birthday girl decided she wanted some more and stole him away! So I waited. At that point, I noticed that my dad had walked back into the hall. I got embarrassed and wanted to get up but there was no turning back, stripper boy had slid his way over to me!

As he daintily spread my legs open, I started thinking, “Oh dear God, what am I doing?” I kept my eyes fixed on his with a stone-gaze in fear of what he would do to me, having seen his no-boundaries moves. He started pushing my shirt and bra off my left shoulder, and I just happened to blurt out, “My father’s in the room! Please don’t go too far!” I realized I was way more embarrassed than I thought I would be. I just couldn’t do it. Everything started flowing through my mind: my mom was seeing this, my boyfriend was seeing this, my grandmother was seeing this and worst of all, my DAD was seeing this! How many people can say that their father witnessed their first lapdance? I sure can, and thank God for liquid courage. It became my best friend that night, both to prepare me and to console me.

I hadn’tĀ gotten the worst (or best, depending) of it yet, though. Later on, the stripper ended up totally naked, save for a towel hanging off his boner.

Oh, and on a final note, my boyfriend forced my mother into a chair to get a lapdance, too. Let’s just say she didn’t fight back. Weird? Fuck yes it was. But it was a top night.

-Nicole

4 Comments

Filed under BAD BANGS

4 responses to “My First Male Stripper

  1. Janet

    OMG… I’m laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes… All I can say is that I’m glad it wasn’t me!

    …………… when’s the next party?………. and am I invited??? hahahahaha

  2. Sarah

    OMG NICOLE!!!!

    umm let me start off by telling you that I’m a friend of Danny and Nicole’s and they introduced me to your blog a couple of months ago and I follow it religiously.
    As soon as I started reading this I was thinking “could this be MY nicole?”
    But as the story went on, I knew it was….the girl can handle her booze…well…most of the time right Nicole?
    I can’t believe you told the stripper not to go too far…that is too funny…wow….

    • badbangs

      yay! thank you for reading us :)

      let’s see how good nicole handles her booze saturday

      -mel

      • Nicole

        Oh no! I feel like I have a goal to meet now! Hahaha.

        But yes Sarah, it was quite an experience!! It belongs in one of those priceless mastercard commercials or something.

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