Summer Bummer: Stinky Soles

Matthew McConohey (whatever) and Luke Wilson look like smelly feet. I don’t mean that they look like they have smelly feet; I mean that their faces look like feet that are stinky. I could almost smell an odour reminiscent of sour milk or vinegar chips seeping out of their pores and through the TV screen.
That smell is the smell of summer feet: feet that have been walking around in flats all day.

Hot FeetFlats promised a world of fashionable yet painless shoes, allowing for maximum comfort without sacrificing style. Well first of all, they’re not really that comfortable – the soles are usually so thin that they offer little or no arch support. The impact caused by your heels hitting the ground kills your back. Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that the backs of these little shits cause fucking blisters that make walking nearly impossible. I can deal with all that, nothing a little band-aid can’t fix. What really boggles my mind is the amount of sweat and stink that my feet can produce when wearing flats.

Sometimes they get so sweaty that my foot slips inside the shoe – it can make you trip! But the smell, that pungent odour that seems impossible to eradicate, is what bothers me most. Sometimes I smell them from under my desk, and when it’s really bad, I swear I could smell them when I walk. It’s like there’s a stinky cloud floating above my soles. I’ve sprayed perfume on my feet & shoes because a trainee had to sit at my desk for a day. Never do that! The flowery scent of perfume mixed with the saltiness creates this sickly sweet aroma that permeates the air and makes the initial stench even more noticeable. That was definitely an awkward moment.

I’ve also noticed when your feet are particularly sweaty, if you walk on recently varnished hardwood floors, you will leave foot prints on the ground. How gross is that? It’s like concrete evidence that your feet are disgusting pieces of shit and the ultimate turn off to the opposite sex. It’s even worse if you’re invited somewhere and your have to take your shoes off. I have, on many occasions, ran to their bathroom and scrambled to shove my foot under the sink to wash out the smell.

I wish I could give you advice on how to avoid smelly summer feet, but I’m still doing research. Dr. Scholl’s Foot Powder works for a few hours and leaves a minty cool sensation on your feet. However it may leave streaks on your clothes or make you look like you applied bronzer but forgot to put it on your feet. Canvas soles apparently help the sweat factor. Other than that, you could try airing your feet when no one’s looking – but that might cause the smell to go airborne.

-Maria D

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1 Comment

Filed under BAD BANGS

One response to “Summer Bummer: Stinky Soles

  1. everstarr

    Try getting cat piss off your brand new 250$ leather boots.

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