I am not one to complain about my weight. In fact, I don’t even think I’m allowed to complain about my weight because bigger girls automatically blow me off. Listen, bigger girls, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but no one is completely happy with their weight (except maybe guys). We’re all too bony or too fat or too misproportioned or too bow-legged or too small-titted or too whatever the hell else.
I was luckily among the very few who managed to escape the society-spewed weight myths that bombard women daily. I never thought my body was perfect, but I was happily indifferent. I’ve never been to the gym. I’ve never even been on a diet.
Still, I had problems with my weight, and I don’t mean the psychological kind. I became really thin at one point. I hadn’t done anything to provoke the weight loss. It just happened. When I looked in the mirror after showering, I was grossed out by the sight of my protruding ribs. I wasn’t ecstatic with how I looked, but I didn’t do anything to change it. Strangely, I accepted it.
A year later, my stomach worms or whatever caused my boniness subsided, and I looked normal again. I had curves and boobs and a non Skeletor-like face and I was happy.
That was a few years ago. I honestly don’t feel like I’ve gained any weight since then. I was under the impression that it had stabilized.
Well, my mom just came back from Toronto with a brand spankin’ new scale. I can’t remember the last time I weighed myself; it must have been around ten years ago. She asked me to try it out. I said, “No, go away” but she begged me. I gave in.
The scale said 130.
That might not mean shit to anyone but it for some reason broke my spirit. I’m suddenly sad. Maybe society did get to me. Should I finally go on a diet? Should I Google thinspiration pictures? Should I “work out”?
Of course, I will do none of these things. I am eating a pogo as I type this. Still, what I’m trying to say is that scales skew the way you view yourself. Our self worth should not be affected by the results on these damn contraptions; beauty isn’t determined by numbers. I feel at least ten pounds lighter than that thing said I am. I refuse to be bullied.