I’ve noticed that as my relationship with my boyfriend progresses, the amount of blowjobs I give decreases. I feel guilty but I have in no way attempted to rectify the situation. With time, we become lazier and lazier and that need to entice the other disappears as the relationship grows stronger. At the beginning, we dole BJs out like food stamps on Christmas, but once the 6-month mark is reached, their dick is left jonesing like a meth addict in rehab.
Do you remember how “hungry” you were for cock at first? Hanging out innocently on Mont-Royal and then suddenly you got the urge to suck his dick? Or the time he dragged you to the bathroom at a bar and you happily followed? Best of all, do you remember your first ever beej?
I remember mine like it was yesterday. It was my first year of college. I was 17 (I was a really late bloomer) and I was high and drunk (how typical). I still remember what I was wearing: these low cut bell bottom Mavi jeans, an ugly brown shirt that hung off my shoulders and a black velvety blazer paired with dusty pink flats (WTF was I thinking?). I was at a local hardcore/emo show at L’X to support my cousin’s band. I was such a loser. I didn’t really know anyone there and it was obvious. I ended up smoking weed and drinking Tornados with some guy named Simon from Hamilton (or maybe Sudbury, who knows?).
I somehow found myself grinding my ass on his dick while my cousin’s band was playing – who knew hardcore could have that affect on me? One thing of course led to another, and I ended up in the back of his tour van (also known as his mom’s Ford Windstar). After a feverish makeout session, his hands ended up in my panties. He whispered, “Wanna gimme a blowjob?” Naturally, I obliged. I was actually hesitant at first but then I figured that if I’m gonna have to do it one day, I might as well do it now.
My initial reaction was, “Ew, this fucking tastes like sweat” and then as it progressed, I was like “OK, this isn’t so bad”. After about 10minutes, I felt a warm, stringy filament of semen leak down my throat. The bastard came in my mouth without telling me! Not knowing what to do, I swallowed (I was kind enough not to spit; I would have felt bad ruining the upholstery). After an awkward exchange of phone numbers, I slid out of his van, grinning like a fucking idiot.
Not only was I happy, I even showed off about it the next day at school. I was the first of my small group of friends to have given a blowjob. Back then it was like, “Yay, me!” but now it’s more, “Oh God.” What’s even more embarrassing is that I was naïve enough to believe that he was actually gonna call me before he left for his Ontarian hometown.
In retrospect, I made a bad move. He might have had herpes for all I fucking know. And blowjobs in the back of a van? How stereotypically sleazy! I don’t think I regret it, though. You live, you learn.