Crushing Hard

When I was in the sixth grade, I had the hugest crush on a boy named Shannon. He hadn’t entered my mind in many, many years but I thought of him earlier. A man on the bus was sporting a braided rat tail just like his.

I’d always assumed that Shannon was a girl’s name but that only made this little boy cooler. He was different. He had torn jeans and  bad ass ‘tude. He looked like one of the 3 Ninjas, though I forget which.

My crush on him was a pipe dream. I held out hope that it would someday happen between us but I knew it wouldn’t. He’d seen me pee my pants during an oral presentation in third grade. My body hair was coming in thicker than his. I had Coke bottle glasses. It could never be.  

I always tried to be on his dodgeball team at recess. I gave him chocolate chip cookies. I once offered him a drawing. I made sure he knew I existed. 

Still, I knew that my first crush would remain just that. I was ghastly and he was gorgeous (for a 12 year old).

One day, a rumor zoomed through the schoolyard saying that my friend Charlene had sucked Shannon’s dick. I immediately thought, “WTF? You’re supposed to suck it?” I later felt sad and betrayed. I wondered how she could do that to me. She knew how much I longed for Shannon’s light brown locks and bleached rat tail. 

I never played at her house again. I never liked another boy (well, not until my teens). I resorted to hanging up pictures from Tiger Beat, Teen Beat and various other Beats on my wall. I remember getting an Andrew Keegan poster, cutting his eyes out and replacing them with eyes from other posters. One was slightly to the left, one was slightly to the right. It looked like he was always looking at you! That was my favorite.

I wonder what Shannon is up to now. Is he a computer analyst? A warrior? I guess I could look him up on Facebook but I don’t have one and even if I did, I don’t care enough to find him. I know I made it seem like I did. That was just an embellishment for the sake of the story. Sorry!



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