Playing Doctor

I saw my first real life penis at the tender age of 8. As soon as I glanced at it, I knew it was something I shouldn’t be looking at. His name was Louis. He was a chubby strawberry blond kid with freckles and sweaty palms and a huge Pog collection.

We were neighbours so we used to play at each other’s houses pretty often. One fine day, he decided we should play doctor. He pretended he was a trucker and that he fell out of his truck and hurt something “down there”. I was the nurse who was supposed to take care of him. He pulled down his pants and he told me to put a band aid on it. I said no. He yelled at me and told me that we were no longer friends. I came home crying and told me my mom what happened. Bad move.

Kids forget fights easily, so me and Louis were playing in our alley a few days later. It was like I had never seen his weewee in the first place until his mom told me to come over because she had a gift for me. I sat at the kitchen table, as excited as an 8 year old could be, expecting a surprise – maybe she was going to give me Louis’ sick Pog collection, who knew? I went from excited and happy to mortified and freaked out in under a minute. His mom pulled out a book about the birds and the bees along with a sex education board game! I was stunned; I just sat there in awe and disgust. I listened as she told me about how a man and a woman who love each other come together to make babies. Eductional Sex BookThere were pictures of penises, hairy vaginas, ovaries and sex. After reading the book, we played the board game. I think the object of the game was to be the first sperm to fertilize the egg. I never forgave my mother for ratting me out like that. She got away with the sex talk by having another mom do it, which was pretty low.

I stopped playing with Louis as much. Whenever I did though, I made sure to steal a few of his Pogs.  

-Maria D



Filed under BAD BANGS

2 responses to “Playing Doctor

  1. everstarr

    Lmfao! Well this si soemthing I never new. I remember that freckled french freak. He had the cutest little sister, Suzie right?
    I’d go over and play with his legos! We’d have hours of fun with blank paper, which we’d draw all over with glue-sticks and then sprinkled the sticky strieks with dirt, so the image would become visible, just like magic.

    But it never got to the make-believe doctor point with him, however the first time I saw a penis was probably around that same age or less even. My god mothers son showed me his penis which is absolutley disgusting! It’s always the boys who seem to start it. We were seated in his tent inside his room and he asked if I wanted to see his penis and being the curious little girl that I was, I said yes, and I remeber this wave of disgust slapping me in the face like.. what the fuck was that alien-cyclops looking thing! I ran out to hug my mothers leg and probably held my mouth shut about it.

    The second time I saw a penis, was on the yellow bus on the way to school. This pigeon looking kid who’d always smell like his hands were down his pants 24-7 would take the same bus as I would in little school. One evening, on our way home. Tara, him and I were just about the only ones remaining on the bus when the kid decides to flash out his penis from one seat across the aisle…

    Tara and I both started laughing uncontrollably but that stopped when the kid decided to “show-off” and push it a little too far by squatting down a little to take a piss on the bus floor…

  2. minchione 08

    Oh starr, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it… Tara and I are thanking God you didn’t write about penis experience #3, because nobody gives a fuck.

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