Warning: this post is an excuse for me to Google and Youtube attractive men. If this seems pathetic to you, go away.
Alright, ladies. I think it’s fair to say that Hollywood has a lot more sexy women than it does men. Still, some guys are seriously handsome. And no, I don’t mean George Clooney or Brad Pitt or (shudder) Russell Crowe. Here is my Top 10! Please note that I was nice enough to include both photos and videos that will charm your pants off.
#10 – JOE JONAS
OK, cut me some slack here. I am aware that he’s some sort of Disney Star. I also know that he’s in that Jonas Brothers group which, from what I understand, caters to the needs of pre-pubescent girls. BUT I think he’s the oldest one in the band! Surely that makes him 17, maybe 18? Is my crush on him illegal?
I made a video like this, too! Except no one will ever see mine.
#9 – JOHNNY DEPP
I have to admit, I hesitated before putting Johnny on this list. Is he super hot? I don’t know. Sometimes. I thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that he belongs here. He speaks French, he plays guitar, he has a tattoo that once read “Winona Forever” (in reference to Winona Ryder) but now reads “Wino Forever” and he collects bugs. Bugs, you guys! Weird collections are my favorite. Too bad he isn’t single. You win this round, Vanessa Paradis.
Oh, and in case you didn’t know, Johnny is known as the nicest celebrity ever. He’s signed a bajillion autographs, he’s rumored to have paid a dying girl’s medical bills (she’s alive because of him) and he leaves gigantic tips.
#8 – SHIA LABEOUF (may have spelled that wrong)
What happened here? Even Stevens became hot? I was never a big fan but damn, grown up, post-crusty makeover Shia is like a magnet to my inner hipster. I keep seeing pictures of him prancing around in old Vans and plaid shirts drinking cans of Arizona Iced Tea and it makes me wanna be the girl next door he spied on in that movie where he spied on the girl next door.
I like how he joked about getting arrested at Walgreens, I would have done the same – but in all seriousness, every celeb needs a mug shot anyway.
#7 – BRADLEY COOPER
I don’t know much about Bradley, but from what I can tell, he is a handsome and non obnoxious Matthew McConohey (Maria and I both have a near irrational hate of him, sorry). Did you guys see how GQ he looked in The Hangover? There wasn’t a woman in the audience who wasn’t melting in her seat and there wasn’t a guy who didn’t wish he could pull off a suit as stylishly as Brad. Can I call him Brad? What about The Coop?
I never saw Nip/Tuck but that clip is kind of making me wanna watch. I never saw Alias either, but I did see that episode of Sex and the City Brad was on, many years ago. That means I knew about him first. Sorry, everyone.
#6 – JAMES FRANCO
Does anyone have this issue of Vogue Hommes? I need it in my life and am subsequently willing to give you 5 to 10 dollars for it. James Franco is awesome. I fell in love with Daniel Desario on Freaks and Geeks (one of the most relatable, best written television shows ever) and have rooted for him ever since.
#5 – BRET McKENZIE
Sorry Jermaine, you’re cute too, but this post is mainly about Bret. I know both of you are in this picture but I chose it because Bret is wearing my favorite sweater of his. Yeah, the stripy one. He looks cute in it, right? So like, I was thinking, it’s no coincidence that your number one fan’s name is Mel. Because my name is Mel, too. She’s OK but I’m almost positive you’d like me better. Just give me a chance. I want to co-write songs with you! Please.
So many good clips! I wasn’t sure which to post. Oh, here, have another:
#4 – SIMON REX
Simon is hot and funny but he’s been in Paris Hilton so he is kind of disgusting.
You can Google his foray into the world of solo porn if you so wish.
#3 – ANDREW WK
I fell in love with Andrew WK in 9th or 10th grade, when he was on the cover of Vice, before anyone even knew what Vice or Andrew WK were. He wrote an article about things that make him happy, like seeing your favorite band play live and little bunny rabbits. Since then, he has won my heart by playing one of the most fun shows I’ve ever been to and reading books to kids in libraries. I think he has a bunch of TV shows now.
Shame that he’s married now.
#2 – VIGGO MORTENSEN
Oh sweet Jesus. Don’t even get me started on this man. He married Exene Cervenka which makes him punk rock by association, he’s sexy in an old guy way and he starred in Eastern Promises, which is like everything a good movie should be plus a naked shower fighting scene.
By the way, word on the street (and by “street” I mean “Internet”) is that Viggo is a huge Habs fan and wore a Canadiens tshirt under his armor while filming the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.
#1 – THE SILVER FOX
This was a no-brainer. Anderson is the handsomest one of all.
We even have somewhat of a similar pose. Is that surprising, really? No, it’s not. Because we are meant to pose similarly together. Forever.
Kathy Griffin expressed my exact feelings towards Anderson here:
And here’s a funny story he told on that Regis Philbin show:
Last but not least, some honorable mentions: Bear Grylls, Larry David, Ryan Gosling and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (what?).