Vodka-Soaked Tampons

Every girl loves to have a couple of drinks on a Friday night (TGIF, you guys), but most girls swallow them with their throat, not their vagina. Still, this vodka-soaked tampon thing has apparently become such a trend that I’m surprised Tyra hasn’t dedicated an episode to it yet. I first read about it a little while back; the geekazoid in me likes to post on an all-girls (or mostly girls) message board, and this topic was brought up. Basically, if it wasn’t clear already, ladies are soaking tampies in alcohol and sticking them up their vag.

I looked it up and there’s some dispute as to whether this is an urban legend or not. Please. I can guarantee you that many curious fools have tried this. And I actually totally understand why: you get drunk faster. It’s like when you have a yeast infection. If you shoot Monistat cream up yourself, you feel near-instant relief. If you take oral medication, the pain can take hours to be eased. In this case, the booze gets immediately absorbed by the vagina’s membranes, which allows it to enter the bloodstream faster. And then you’re drunk! Yay!

Oh and boys, don’t feel left out. The trick works rectally as well.

I personally don’t get how this is possible. I mean I get the ends, but I don’t fully understand the means. When a tampon has absorbed anything (be it blood, vodka, whatever), it gets all big and fluffy. And like certain other things that I won’t bother naming, tampons are easiest to insert when they’re stiff. How do you get it up there when it’s all smushed and dripping? Seems messy. And painful. I get the feeling that vodka in your vagina would really sting.

I wonder who does this. I assume it’s ~wild college kids~ and alcoholics. I have to say, though, if I knew for a fact that it was amazing, wouldn’t burn like hell and would leave my vaginal tissue fully intact, I might want to give it a shot. Just to test it out, you know. I think I’ll talk Maria into trying it for all of us.

But be careful, Maria, because according to this guy, you might crack your head and die. Sorry.

-Melissa

10 Comments

Filed under BAD BANGS

10 responses to “Vodka-Soaked Tampons

  1. Nicole

    First time hearing of this.. I must say, this is so up there on the scale of WTF and ridonculous, I’m surprised OPRAH hasn’t gotten involved! Soon we’ll be hearing about ‘celebs’ like Paris and Lolan checking into rehab from shooting up the vag.. Hey anything goes in hollweird right!

  2. i dont think this is possible, wouldnt the vagina, since it is open skin, wouldnt it burn incessantly?
    I heard of people foolin around and dropping alcohol on a vag and as the story goes, the bag basically gets very swollen.

    But if this is true, how long before guys at clubs start soaking their meat monocles in vodka, and say “hey wanna fuck and get drunk at the same time?” or something of the sorts.

  3. Melissa H

    I saw that episode of the DRs and was as astounded as anyone… As for the insertion, I have a theory! Let’s say it’s a plastic applicator tampon, you can still dip it in or pour the vodka on it and the applicator will do what it’s there for! EH?

    • badbangs

      shit, that’s true. i hadn’t thought of that. but once you have the applicator up there, are you, um, releasing, the tampon? because i fear it might absorb the alcohol at that point. maybe you could just leave the applicator in you and walk around like that until you feel wasted.

  4. m.c.

    how about a nice wine? could that work too? would the robust tannins and aromas of blackcurrant and leather be lost in the vagina? red wine and fish is not a traditional pairing, any sommelier can tell you THAT. how about shoving a nice filet mignon up there to go with the wine? with a peppercorn sauce, and potatoes au gratin? is your vagina roomy enough for some dessert? we have a lovely dark chocolate cake served with raspberry coulis.. oh whats that? there is already some raspberry coulis in your vagina? here let me taste it…. no no, that is not raspberry coulis, that is menstrual blood… you should use a tampon, here i have one, its soaked in vodka… what? your vagina has already drunk too much? and you have to drive home? WELL USE A PAD THEN.

  5. Dee

    Actually, Dan Savage addressed this very issue on his podcast from this week, episode #146 (actually, he addresses the issue of doing ASS shots, but same principle).

    According to ALL sources, it’s incredibly dangerous, and high risk of alcohol poisoning. Apparently, you should never do ASS/VAG shots with any kind of hard liquor.

    Just interesting …

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