Pubic Affairs

God damn, someone drank all my Coronas. Here I am trying to enjoy my first day off in who-knows how long with some sunshine and some beer, and someone drank it. Can I not own anything in this house? Is the notion of ‘respect’ outdated? I really hate when people steal my beer.

bald-eagleI had to let that out but it has absolutely nothing to do with this post. This post is about pubes. Yes, pubes. I’ve noticed that many men now expect girls to be bald. It’s become this sort of societal thing where, largely thanks to pornography, guys demand bare skin over bush. It’s even gotten to the point where some men are actually disappointed, turned off and/or flat-out grossed out at the sight of a little totally natural pubic hair.

Every guy I’ve been with it (which is admittedly not many) has preferred me to be entirely hairless. No landing strip or anything. Of course, I’ve given in to these preferences. I even got a brazilian once. Or maybe it was more than once. I can’t remember; the pain must have numbed my memory cells. I know some girls are like, “It’s not that bad!” but those girls are liars. Liars and whores. OK, I’m kidding. I realize that different girls have different pain thresholds. It just so happens that brazilian waxes make me cry, scream, swear and insult your mother, all at once.  

So I do the shaving thing. It’s not a big deal. Or wait, maybe it kind of is, considering how much I hate doing it and how terribly lazy I am. Have you ever nicked your vagina while shaving? It’s unpleasant. And don’t even get me started on the ingrown hairs, the itching or the stubble. But relationships are about compromise, and I’ve learned to compromise my pubes. So be it. 

I just don’t really get the appeal. How can I look like a gorgeous, desirable, voluptuous (too much?) woman from the waist up, and like a pre-pubescent kid from the waist down? To me, a full but well-groomed bush is a sign of sexual maturity. Somewhere down the recent line, it got pegged as the exact opposite of that. I used to handle the adult section of a video store, and post-1980s movies featuring bush were actually considered fetish porn. Come on.

Now, your pubes are just that – yours. So honestly, I don’t give a shit what you do with them: shave them, dye them, dread them (side-note: is that even possible?), wax them into various shapes, whatever. As long as you’re happy with what you’ve got going on down there, you know. I just don’t think it’s cool for girls to get subconsciously pressured to rid themselves of their pubes. It’s a personal decision that should reflect one’s own preferences – or to a certain extent, their lover’s – but definitely not society’s.




Filed under BAD BANGS

2 responses to “Pubic Affairs

  1. GiGi D`Agostino

    i happen to find clean sexual organs much more attractive than someone who would participate in a “ZZ Top pube showdown” contest. Also in porno, how many guys are packin cock beards?

    Am i conforming to porno standards? maybe, but porno is great. And i believe in following greatness.

    I mean, for ladies, do you enjoy going down on a guy who hasnt shaved in 3 months? So much so that you feel like you are sucking a hot dog that is trapped in a steel wool sponge?

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