I tend to use this blog as an outlet to complain. After reading many of my posts, you may think that I hate being a woman and that I bear a huge grudge against men. Well, that’s only partially true. In reality, I think being a girl is pretty awesome. Being able to indulge in juicy gossip, shopping to cheer myself up and experiencing the joys of multiple orgasms (a rarity, I’ll admit) are some of the more positive aspects of being a chick. My fondest girly memories are from that awkward pre-teen phase, where you’re on the brink of womanhood but are still pretty immature and childish.
Being a 12 year old girl meant innocent crushes, raisin sized boobs , your first ever period and an urge to be “cool”. My walls were plastered in BSB posters and magazine cut outs. I even had laminated pictures of Nick Carter and Leo DiCaprio (think Basketball diaries, pre-Titanic). Sleepover parties happened on a weekly basis and sending anonymous, glittery love notes to cute boys was something every girl did at least once a month or daydreamed of doing.
For my 12th birthday, I got some hair mascara, a walkman, a Garbage tape and best of all, a subscription to YM. I know what you’re thinking; yes, hair mascara. Mine was blue. Remember that stuff? Anyway, back to YM. It was your typical teen mag, filled with personality quizzes and tips on how to handle your first period. My fave YM section was ‘Say Anything’, which was a collection of embarrassing stories submitted by readers. I’m positive that if you’re a girl reading this you know exactly what I’m talking about. I can vividly remember sitting on my bed with my neighbor D reading out loud about other girls’ most humiliating moments. The formula was always the same: crushes, periods and involuntary flashing, but it always guaranteed a few gasps and giggles.
During lunch one day, Melissa and I were reminiscing on how much we loved YM and how disappointed we were when the mag folded in 2004. Later that day, I scoured the net to see if I could find some reminder of YM’s existence. I was hoping their URL might still work. Maybe there was a chance someone had posted a few of our beloved Say Anything stories on a blog but no luck there either. Finally, I was lucky enough to find a book by the editors of YM called “YM: The Best of Say Anything” on Amazon but unfortunately for me, they didn’t deliver this particular book to Canada. I hate when that happens! My longing for nostalgia grew so strong that I decided to order it from Barnes & Noble, even though I had to dish out more money for delivery and for the conversion rate. Ten business days later, here I am holding the preteen bible of mortifying experiences.
So without further ado, I present you, Say Anything: Maria D’s Top Three!
I was cheering at our homecoming football game & unexpectedly got my period. I didn’t have a tampon, so I quickly put on a pad and ran out on the field. All my friends and their parents were there to support me. I even saw the boy I have a crush on in the front row of the bleachers! I wanted to show off, so in between cheers two other girls and I did a basket toss. Right when I went up in the air and did a split, my pad slipped out. To make matters worse, our mascot picked up the bloody thing and waved it around.
You Showed Him
I walked into class on Valentine’s Day and spotted an empty seat next to this totally cute new guy. I was psyched! I tried to act smooth but as I got closer to his desk, I accidentally dropped all my books on the floor in front of him. I figured he would pick them up for me because that’s what nice guys do. Was I wrong! He just sat there. Then, when I bent over to pick them up and just as my butt was facing him, I farted really loudly.
For the first day of ninth grade I bought an adorable strapless dress. At lunch a hot boy stood next to me in line. I mustered up the courage to flirt with him, but when I reached up to get my tray, my whole dress fell to my ankles. And, of course, I wasn’t wearing a bra – just pink panties!
OK, so I read the whole book and sadly, these stories are basically all the same. There’s a good chance that most of these stories were made up or extremely embellished by the editors of YM. Some of these anecdotes aren’t really embarrassing and don’t sound like they would happen to 14 year old girls. But you know what, who cares? I still cracked a smile more than once, despite the fact that I’m not a naive 12 year old kid. I hope you enjoyed your trip down memory lane and don’t worry, I have book full of more “embarrassing mo’s”.