Swarming & Buzzing

THERE IS A WASP PROBLEM DOWNTOWN. Like, a severe one. This has happened every late August for the past few years. What the hell is going on? I wouldn’t mind the wasps if they weren’t so aggressive. As soon as I step out of the office, two or three of these little fuckers swarm around me and refuse to leave me alone. I have nothing for you, wasps!

I’m a little scared to start school because they always find their way onto the Concordia shuttle bus and it’s like, “What the hell? Get out of here!” The ride is grueling enough as it is. I don’t want to have to deal with this. Wasps are mean and I’m scared of them. Why can’t they be nice like their adorable cousin, the bumble bee?

I remember a few years ago, before I moved. I’d hear scratching right above my bed, in my old bedroom. At first, it was really light and no one else heard it. I did. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t sleep at night. I felt like it was getting worse by the second; for a while, I suspected I was losing my mind. Eventually, my parents heard it, too. They assumed that we had rats in the attic. They meant to call an exterminator but because the problem didn’t affect them directly, they didn’t really give a shit. I ended up putting my foot down and demanding that they get someone over. An exterminator came and shocked us all by saying that there were no rats above my bed: there were wasps. A huge nest had developped and had we not called the exterminator over, their sheer weight would have forced the ceiling to collapse. Onto me. While I slept. 

Now, I’ve never been stung. What if I’m allergic? How am I supposed to know? I don’t want to be stung. It looks like it hurts. A lady I work with’s sister had a wasp fly up her nose. It stung her IN HER NOSE! These things are ruthless!

I tried looking up ways to repel wasps but every solution is negated by a commenter claiming that it doesn’t work. I was told to throw water on them because they don’t like water; but to me, it seems that splashing them would get them even more pissed off.

Off topic, but I’m eating lunch right now and I coughed and bits of food and sauce just went all over my screen. I’m laughing but I’m not sure why I find this funny. It’s disgusting, really.

So what am I supposed to do about the wasps?

-Melissa

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Swarming & Buzzing

  1. I’ve been stung lots of times – it really does hurt. Once when I was little I was picking mushrooms in the forest with my grandma and stepped on an old tree stump. Turns out there was a bee’s nest inside it… that was fun. (Thats when I got most of my stings)

    The other time I was at my other grandma’s house (curious, there is some kind of evil wasp karma about my grandmothers..), sleeping well into the afternoon when I heard a buzzing from beneath the sheets. In a panic I jumped out of bed and killed that fucker. Work well done, no? So I crawled back under the covers and dozed off. Just as I was entering dreamland OUCH! WTF? There was another one! It was a bloody conspiracy, I tell you! And then, in the midst of my shock I became convinced that I had developed a bee allergy (more like Munchausen’s) and had to take an antidote.

    Even though I survived these numerous attacks I am still convinced I will DIE if I get stung again. I’m especially frightened by the thought of accidentally swallowing one and being stung in my windpipe. So I really want to learn that thing where you cut open that little dent between the collar bones and stick a tube in it so the person can breathe again. That would be sick.

    • badbangs

      I was sitting with my friends in the yard in elemantry
      and we were all sucking on orange lollipops cuz it was Halloween
      and all of a sudden I felt a buzzing in my mouth, so I panicked and yanked my tongue
      there was a motherfucking wasp on my tongue! and it stung me
      I was crying like a baby and the school nurse didn’t even send me home
      -Maria D

  2. She should have cut you open.

  3. badbangs

    you guys i never even thought of swallowing bees!.. now i have a new somewhat irrational fear

    THANKS

    -mel

  4. GiGi D`Agostino

    i feel your pain. my building is also infested with bees and wasps.
    they are generally seeking my sweet sweet nectar. Also known as coffee.

    bastards

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