The Food Gods Hate Me

DSC02700I give up. I’m pretty sure some sort of higher force has it in for me and won’t let me have food anymore. As if it weren’t enough that everything gives me diarrhea, ugh. I find gross things in whatever I’m eating on a regular basis. A few years ago, cigarette ashes were baked into the center of a muffin I bought at Dunkin Donuts. And I ate it anyway! I was so hungry. That was the worst. A little while after that, I found a Band-Aid on the pizza I’d ordered. More recently, my aunt brought me an apple cake she’d baked. I remember how delicious it looked. I happily cut myself a slice. As I began to eat it, I bit into a big ass, sharp fingernail. I’ve refused everything she’s made since. Last week, I poured myself some Raisin Bran cereal. Minutes later, an extremely long, blonde hair dangled from my mouth down into the bowl. Ew! And now, a mere minute ago, I attempted to eat raspberries. I just pulled an equally long, mysterious hair out of my mouth. Why is this happening to me? Have I been cursed? Eating is the best. I’d like to continue doing it. What’s the grossest thing you’ve found in your food?

-Melissa

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6 Comments

Filed under BAD BANGS

6 responses to “The Food Gods Hate Me

  1. The other day I was eating from a bag on M&Ms I had left on my floor a couple weeks earlier. After eating half its content I noticed there was a worm in it. Ew. I guess it serves me right for eating form the floor.

  2. Janet

    One day I bought a box of Kraft Dinner, went home and later that night decided to have some. I opened the box, got the water boiling, was about to pour the noodles in the water when I noticed the noodles were MOVING! There were about 30 little bugs in the box GROSS!!! I haven’t had KD since…

    Worst is I left it in the cupboard all day before I decided to have some, so some bugs got out and made their way to other food. I had to throw out everything that wasn’t in a can or plastic container. Horrible waste!

    • badbangs

      30 bugs? EW! i barely eat kd (altough it’s sort of delicious) but now i’ll probably think twice before making it. all the boxes i have are several years old.

  3. Margo

    Nothing beats drinking from your best friends soda can after finding out she gave head to her bf an hour ago…YUCK!

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