I give up. I’m pretty sure some sort of higher force has it in for me and won’t let me have food anymore. As if it weren’t enough that everything gives me diarrhea, ugh. I find gross things in whatever I’m eating on a regular basis. A few years ago, cigarette ashes were baked into the center of a muffin I bought at Dunkin Donuts. And I ate it anyway! I was so hungry. That was the worst. A little while after that, I found a Band-Aid on the pizza I’d ordered. More recently, my aunt brought me an apple cake she’d baked. I remember how delicious it looked. I happily cut myself a slice. As I began to eat it, I bit into a big ass, sharp fingernail. I’ve refused everything she’s made since. Last week, I poured myself some Raisin Bran cereal. Minutes later, an extremely long, blonde hair dangled from my mouth down into the bowl. Ew! And now, a mere minute ago, I attempted to eat raspberries. I just pulled an equally long, mysterious hair out of my mouth. Why is this happening to me? Have I been cursed? Eating is the best. I’d like to continue doing it. What’s the grossest thing you’ve found in your food?