Pimple Problems

I’m fortunate in that I’ve always been praised for having beautiful, clear skin. I took pride in my acne-free visage. I convinced myself that my good complexion and cute button nose would make up for my pear-shaped hips and my small, B-cup tits. Sadly, all that changed a mere few months ago.

I was luckiest in high school. Not having to endure a perma-pizza face throughout adolescence like all my friends did (suckers!) gave me a bit of an acne superiority complex. In my mind, I had refined pores and quality skin. There was no need for Neutrogena, Clean & Clear or Accutane.

One fine morning, my sebaceous glands realized they had spared my face from embarrassing pimples far too long. It was retaliation time. From one day to the next, I went from having immaculate skin to being plagued with whiteheads, blackheads and pus-filled zits. They began to follow their own cycle, too; the pimples reach their peak a week before and during my period. Afterwards, they start to swell down. This ultimately leaves me with one week of clear skin between periods.

They’re usually the most painful type of pimple; the kind you can’t pop for days, that hurts when you touch it, that even the best makeup can’t conceal. Sometimes it starts with a barely noticeable blemish on my cheek. “Don’t touch it,” I warn myself, “You’ll cause more harm than good.” But I have to touch it. I have this constant, uncontrollable desire to squeeze it or rip it off. My greasy fingers end up feeding the blemish, which then grows into a monster zit.

So I gave in to that Jessica Simpson commercial. If Proactiv worked for her, it would work for me. Well, I was wrong. It didn’t make much of a difference at all. I even tried toothpaste but it kept getting stuck in my hair. I later bought over $100 worth of Avon and Vichy products but the zits kept coming back. So annoying.

PimpleI then started getting chest pimples and -gasp- bacne. Over time, I think I’ve actually become a little cross-eyed from trying to stare at my chest zits. More recently, I’ve been getting pimples on my scalp. My scalp! They burn like a motherfucker and there’s no amount of T-Gel that will get rid of these little pricks. T-Gel is some strong shit, too; its main ingredient is coal tar and it helps treat psoriasis. Apparently coal tar may be carcinogenic, so you can imagine how heavy duty it’s supposed to be. Do you know how much it stinks? It’s like shampooing with mothballs. And the shittiest part of scalp pimples is that popping them is virtually impossible. Ladies, let’s not kid ourselves, we all LOVE squeezing the puss out of those zits. I need to squeeze those bad boys.

The satisfaction I get from seeing that white crap oozing out like there’s no tomorrow is indescribable. I remember one pimple in particular. It had been taunting me for days and days but I couldn’t get rid of it. Then one morning, the redness subdued and all that remained was a glorious pustule ready to be attacked. I stood in front of the mirror to better watch the white liquid spill out of my infected pores, and to my immense pleasure it splashed the fucking mirror! I was so excited and grossed out all at the same time that I called me my mom to show her. She wasn’t impressed.

Another guilty pleasure of mine is to probe my boyfriend’s whiteheads and blackheads. You do it too, don’t lie. He hates it and we’ve actually fought over it. He has this secret dilated pore on his back, which after months and months of accumulating dirt and grease, hardens to give birth to the mother of all whiteheads. I’ve actually offered him blowjobs just to watch him pop it, but to no avail.

I’ve for the most part accepted zits. I love to pop them way too much. Sure, I’m no longer a teen and it seems like I should be pimple-free by now, but whatever. The only way I’d spend another penny on an acne treatment was if I were guaranteed that it would zap those things right off my face. Do you know of such products? Because at this point, I sort of doubt their existence.

-Maria D



Filed under BAD BANGS

3 responses to “Pimple Problems

  1. Nicole

    I had the occasional breakout in highschool, but for the most part, I was damn lucky compared to some people I knew. BUT lately, well actually just this past summer, I’ve been plagued with patches of pimples all over my face. That last for weeks on end and it makes me disgustingly selk conscious, I can’t even let my boyfriend look at me. The only stuff that kinda works for me is Clean n Clear Acne advantage spot treatment. BUT if you have sensitive skin, it’ll leave a red dry patch for a couple of days :S
    OMGGGGG I DO THE SAME THING WITH MY BOYFRIEND!! I BEG him to let me pop his whiteheads, and although most times he lets me, he whines about it. Haha.

  2. leslienikole

    Wow. So I’m not alone with wanting to squeeze the blackholes.

    Erm.. something that works .. SPECTRO CARE! Now, I have eczema, so maybe it might not work as well for you, but give it a try. Small bottle ( the purple one ) for 9 bucks at jean coutu.

    And if you need a moisturizer, Spectro HydraCare for Dry Skin is lovely. Oh, and putting a little vitamin E oil on popped pimples heals them faster without um, scars.


  3. I was one of the unlucky suckers in high school – I suffered of severe acne from the age of twelve till about half a year ago. In those eight years I have tried EVERYTHING!

    None of those store bought products help… clean and clear, vichy, clerasil… it’s all shit! But I just grew tired of the endless fight. So I went to a dermatologist and asked him to make it stop. I’d been before without any good results, so I told this guy I wouldn’t leave before he gave me the harshest antibiotics possible. In the end he did and I ate them for six months. After a couple weeks my skin began feeling much less painful and during the course of the months my acne diminished till it was gone completely. Even after the medication ended I haven’t had breakouts (except for the odd bump or blackhead during my period, which is NOTHING in comparison with the infected ulcers I used to sport)

    What I recommend for a less severe case of acne is an antibiotic cream that you use on the zits. You usually need a prescription for it, too.

    Otherwise I recommend using really mild products, like vegan facial wash and lotion. They don’t contain alcohol and all those other harsh chemicals that most acne products contain. Just make sure they aren’t oily. A strong facial toner is also good for killing all of that bacteria and removing dirt and grease. I use Vichy. Dead sea salt also works miracles. It deep cleans the skin and leaves it feeling NORMAL, a feeling I hadn’t known for years.

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