I’ve been on the pill for two years and a few months. I originally got on it because I don’t want babies and hate condoms. If you’re in a committed relationship and both you and your partner have been tested, I would definitely recommend taking the pill as your preferred method of birth control. Wait, would I? Hmm. Let’s see here.
The pill is really good at one thing, and that’s not getting you pregnant. Other than that, it kind of sucks. A lot. The list of awful side effects is long, but here are the most common:
It makes you fat
The first thing I noticed was how much my boobs grew. This happened after a mere few days. I know that sounds awesome but they were all swollen and tender. It hurt when I put a bra on. Eventually, the pain went away and an unpleasant situation became an unexpected bonus. I realize how lucky I was, though. Some girls gain a lot more than just a little boobage. I read one lady’s story online about how one of her feet go so swollen that it busted a strap on her shoe! That sucks. And all that extra weight is a bitch to lose.
It kills your libido
This actually happened to most girls I know who’ve gotten on the pill, so beware. Your libido could potentially go from raging (Spring break in Cancun-style) to inexistent (nun in a convent-style). I felt my sex drive dwindling so I tried switching to a pill with a different hormone level, but the problem persisted. I kind of just live with it now. It’s ironic that I got on the pill in hopes of having more sex.
It doesn’t cure your cramps
When I was a teen, my doctor advised me to start taking the pill. I wasn’t even sexually active yet, but he claimed that an oral contraceptive would ease my horrible menstrual pain. Turns out that was a load of bullshit. Know what helps my cramps? Three Advils, a cup of tea and the fetal position. Not the pill.
It gives you insane mood swings
I have literally gone from laughing to crying my eyes out in less than a second. I cry when I eat the last Sausalito cookie in the bag, I cry when I watch Destiny’s Child videos and I hold tears back when I see adorable puppies. I’ve snapped at my mother for buying cheap toilet paper, when, at 24, I should be ecstatic she even buys me TP in the first place.
You’ll forget to take it
For the pill to be its most effective, you’re supposed to take it at the same time every day. Well, that’s almost impossible. One time, I forgot to take one. I googled it and found a website that said I should take two at once, to compensate for the one I missed. So I did that. A few hours later, areas that are usually dry began sweating uncontrollably and I had to fight a wave of severe nausea that kept trying to come over me. That was last New Year’s Eve. Needless to say, I didn’t have the best time. Thanks a lot, Internet.
Of course, I’m speaking from personal experience. You might not feel any of these side effects. You might be one of the lucky ones (I hate you). It’s gotten to the point where I kind of want to get off the topsy turvy roller coaster the pill has put me on, but I can’t bring myself to. It’s worked itself into my daily routine, but more importantly, I’ve never so much as had a slight pregnancy scare while on it. So I guess I’ll tough it out. For now, anyway.