Sometimes ugly people can be sexy. And when you think about it, sexy ugly is way more interesting than sexy sexy. Hollywood is packed with stars that aren’t conventionally good looking but ooze a strange sex appeal. Here’s a list of my favorite unsightly dreamboats.
10- CESAR MILLAN
OK, so Cesar isn’t exactly ugly, but he’s definitely not on the same lists as Brad Pitt or Antonio Banderas (btw; ew). Well, that’s because he’s even hotter. That salt and pepper hair, that meticulously groomed goatee, that friendliness and genuine love for doggies! OH, and that accent! I’m melting.
If you think that was a lame choice, don’t worry, it gets uglier.
9- AMY WINEHOUSE
I adore this bitch. I love her music and completely disagree with what she’s done and is doing to herself. I think it’s just such a shame. Still, I honestly believe that even at her worst, there’s still a certain sexiness to her. I mean, considering how much weight she’s lost, how batshit crazy she acts and how tangled her hair must be, it’s a very slight sexiness, but it’s there. Plus, we all know what she’s capable of looking like; not typically beautiful, but hot nonetheless.
8- LADY GAGA
Oh sweet Lord. I pulled this from what was perhaps Gaga’s worst photo shoot to date. The second thing I noticed (after her face, of course), is that she has no belly button. Maybe those panties are ridiculously high waisted, I don’t know. Regardless, Lady Gaga is undeniably sexy. It’s a mix of her creativity, her talent, her smile and her cute butt. Was that creepy? She really does have a cute butt.
7- LARRY DAVID
Who wouldn’t sleep with this brilliant man? I see so much of myself in Larry, it’s crazy. Sometimes I’m placed in awkward situations and all I can think is, “This would be a great story line for an episode of Curb.” I admit that he isn’t a total fox, but Larry has an unmistakeable appeal, and the more you watch him, the more his looks grow on you. Yes, even his weird rat tail and his ugly ass shoes.
6- BENICIO DEL TORO
Yikes. Benicio has definitely seen better days (think Excess Baggage, mmm) and isn’t aging particularly well, but he’s still intriguingly sexy. Yeah, he might sort of resemble a werewolf, but I can’t resist him. And I know I’m not the only one! He’s bad ass.
5- MARILYN MANSON
Don’t get me wrong, I think Marilyn Manson is repulsive. I mean, I actually have a soft spot for some of his music (don’t tell anyone), but he’s appalling. Between wearing awful makeup and blowing swine flu snot rockets onto his audience, there is absolutely nothing attractive about this grotesque creature – yet beautiful women flock to him like flies on shit. I must be missing something, right?
4- MICKEY ROURKE
My cousin Sara actually met Mickey Rourke at Buona Notte (gross, I know) two or so years ago. She managed to take a picture of him with her cell phone, and as blurry and as dark as the photo was, you could still make how monstrous he is. But like Marilyn Manson, girls can’t resist the Rourke. I assume he’s got an in-person charm that doesn’t really come out during his interviews.
3- COURTNEY LOVE
Maybe it’s my high school love for Hole, but I can’t seem to find Courtney Love ugly. Sure, I wish she’d look the way she did back then, but I don’t want to criticize her choices. I like her. Maybe it’s because her Twitter is (was? I think she deleted it) the most hilarious thing ever, maybe it’s because she let a homeless guy suck on her tit, but something about her makes her weirdly sexy. She’s like a guilty pleasure.
2- STEVE BUSCEMI
OMG, so sexy. I’ve always had a major crush on Steve Buscemi. He’s been in some amazing movies as well as in the Sopranos. Oh, and he was a firefighter in New York City. After September 11, he went back to his old firehouse and volunteered to dig trough rubble at Ground Zero. Not only is that incredibly nice, it’s also way sexy. Oh yeah, and he was stabbed during a night out with Vince Vaughn. I need to be this guy’s friend. Or lover, whichever.
1- LIL WAYNE
Upon searching for “Is Lil Wayne Ugly?” I came across a bunch of results that simply couldn’t pin down a concrete answer. It’s like one of the great mysteries of our time. Half the people say he’s butt ugly, the other half think he’s super hot. I’m in that second half. Shit, just look at that fine specimen. I feel like I should be embarrassed to find him so hot. I went to see him live over the summer, and although I was pretty far, I maintain that he’s even more gorgeous in person.
Got anyone else?
Here are some runners-up: Julian from Trailer Park Boys, Tilda Swinton and Danny McBride.