I Have A Look Alike

parenttrapEver since I turned 16 or 17, friends have been telling me that I have a look alike that could easily pass as my identical twin. They’ve even mistakenly said hi to her, thinking she was me. I’ve been on a quest to find this girl for several years now. I think we could be BFF. Here are some facts I’ve creepily gathered about her:

She may have gone to VMC:
People always ask me if I went to high school there. I say no and then they’re always like, “Are you sure?” Yes, I’m sure, assholes. The only plausible reasoning behind their reaction is that my look alike went there.

She probably worked at Foot Locker:
I remember a friend once asking me how long I’d been working at Foot Locker. I was like, “I have never worked at Foot Locker a day in my life.” He couldn’t believe it. I rushed to the Foot Locker in question the next day to see if my look alike was there, but she wasn’t. I was too shy to ask the people working if my face looked familiar – I regret it immensely.

She definitely went to Rouge last night, October 23, 2009:
Ah, the most important clue of all! Moments ago, I was sitting on my bed reading an old issue of Missbehave (RIP) when I got this text message from my cousin Sara, the person who probably knows me, my face and my quirks better than anybody else in this world:

“I never believed that you had such a look alike but when I saw her I got confused, she looks exactly like you, you even have the same mannerisms, it’s crazy! I was two inches away and was about to hug you but then I realized you would never wear those clothes, lol. You do the same things with your hands when you talk and everything, even your disgusted faces are the SAME. She’s fatter than you, though. She’s not fat, but fatter. And she wears pants with holes all the way down from the crotch. And she has no chest but wears low-cut things. And you have the exact same hair.”

Well, it’s always a little hard to decipher what Sara texts me (what with all the typos, misspelled words and lack of punctuation), but I think that’s what she said.

I’m kind of shocked that my look alike has bad style, you guys! And what do I do with my hands?

Can someone in Montreal find this girl for me? Pretty please? I’m so serious about this that I’ll get Facebook again if you can get me a link to her profile.

In closing, to aid you in your quest to find my look alike, I have enclosed a photo of myself taken a MERE SECOND AGO:


JK, I took the first somewhat flattering pic I could find. I’m on the left.

Please help me!
Thank you,



Filed under BAD BANGS

9 responses to “I Have A Look Alike

  1. Rob

    The jopo’s one lucky man.

  2. GiGi D`Agostino

    i think i know who it is….

    emily strange is her name

  3. i just noticed alot of rectangle smiles going on in that pic.

  4. GiGi D`Agostino

    i know people who have been using the rectangle smile since the Reagan Administration.

    but perhaps you gave it a renaissance

  5. sara

    she doesnt look like you in that picture!
    Ill find a pic that you look alike in !

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