I Hate Jeans

I’m convinced that jean shopping is the worst thing in the world (aside from war, disease, poverty and all that). I like regular shopping but jean shopping is just the worst. Why is it impossible to find good ones? WHY? I had to buy a new pair recently and was about ready to cry. Not a single pair fit me properly.

Now, I have a usual brand: I tend to buy Miss Sixty jeans. They’re ridiculously overpriced (like $250 a pair) and sort of tacky but they last a long time and the stitching on the back pockets makes your ass look good. I mozied on over to the store and was ready to drop most of my paycheck on a new pair, but all of them were extremely ugly. They had gigantic labels and weird, over-the-top stitching and bedazzling. Who wears that crap? On top of that, I didn’t really like the staff (a girl sassed me), so even if I’d found a nice pair, I probably wouldn’t have bought it out of spite.

My second source for jeans is usually Gap. They’re comfy and affordable (~$80). Unfortunately, all of the much-hyped 1969 collection had some ugly ass pocket stitching going on. Clearly, ass pocket stitching is an important factor for me when buying jeans. There needs to be none at all, or subtle stitching that makes my butt pop out. I have no ass so this optical illusion is necessary. Gap failed.

I then went to Levi’s. I couldn’t even get the fucking jeans on. I had trouble fitting my ankles through most of their skinny models (I hate skinny jeans, by the way. I think they’re over. Yet I keep buying and wearing them. Whatever.). I don’t have big ankles so this is especially perplexing. I left.

Then I went to Club Monaco. I have some jeans from there and they’re OK – not my favorite, not the most comfortable, but simple and nice-looking. I tried on a pair in the same cut I bought before, but I gained weight and now I’m between Club Monaco sizes. Like the 27 is too small, and the 28 is too big. Ugh. I really need to stop having McDonald’s breakfast all the time. But I won’t.

So that’s three stores more than I wanted to go to. This was supposed to be a simple task. Simple, dammit! I caved and went to Urban Outfitters. Those BDG jeans they sell fit me so bad; they get super loose on the waist and when you bend down, your crack shows. Luckily, they sold Levi’s models that for some inexplicable reason were not sold in the Levi’s store. I bought two pairs ($78 each) but I’m not convinced. They’re too long so they bunch up at the ankles a lot and I’m too lazy/cheap to get them hemmed. I only bought them because Hiba said they gave me a good ass.

I wore both pairs (out of desperation) so I can’t bring them back. I guess I’ll just settle. Eh. Someone needs to tell me where they buy their jeans and what brands they buy. And don’t say Cheap Monday (they flatten your butt like crazy! Not interested), WeSC (they’re so incredibly fucking long – NO ONE is that tall) or True Religion (they’re just disgusting).

-Melissa

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “I Hate Jeans

  1. Janet

    I am partial to Tommy Hilfiger jeans. They are the most comfy jeans I have ever worn, and they also last longer than my Levi’s. They are usually about 100$ a pair, but I don’t mind spending that much simply because they feel great!

  2. Nicole

    I bought a gorgeous pair of Calvin Klein’s I magically stumbled upon at Winner’s.. but alas, I never have good luck with jeans… They either fit the ass but the not the tummy, or vice versa… Jean shopping sucks ars… I need a good jean store too :(… What about Mavi jeans?

    • badbangs

      i want your CKsssssss!

      i don’t know about mavi JEANS but i have a mavi jean JACKET and it’s awesome. at least i think it’s mavi. it could totally be another brand…

      -mel

  3. Sarah

    I usually end up with Silver jeans, cuz they’re the only jeans that fit my butt but aren’t loose everywhere else.
    I usually go to Winners too cuz they have a selection of a ton of different kinds. You just have to be lucky.

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