Baby Talk

Lately, the topic of babies has been coming up left and right. The truth is that I’m fast-approaching what would hypothetically be my ideal baby-having age. I have friends who live together, others who are already married and others who are expecting their first child. Actually I lied about that last part – no one I particularly care for is having a baby; I just threw it in for emphasis. However, I do have friends who are considering getting pregnant. Always one to resist peer pressure, I decided a long time ago that I don’t really want children. Ever. This has always been a huge turn-off for the men in my life. It’s not like they want me to pop out a kid right away, but knowing that they won’t be able to spread their seed down the line hurts. My decision has been branded everything from “immature” to “stupid”.

Really? Am I a big monster for not wanting kids? Has all this rendered me less of a woman; or even worse, inhuman? Not every woman wants children. I don’t think I should be judged or insulted for knowing what I want.

Sometimes, though, there are little moments that make me reconsider. My four year old cousin Lia came over today and kept gushing about her new BFF, a little boy named Justin. When I asked her what he looked like, she nonchalantly said, “He doesn’t have hair on his back.” WTF? Then my mom asked her if she would ever marry Justin (because I mentioned that Cory Matthews and Topanga knew each other when they were kids) and she said, “No, I think I’m gonna marry my mom.” So cute! Maybe I’ll have a kid strictly for comedic value.

Better yet, maybe I’ll have a baby for the sake of bringing someone into this world who isn’t an idiot. I think about that sometimes. We, as a society, definitely have too many assholes roaming around. Maybe I’ll have a whole slew of kids, Angelina style, to even out the ratio a little.

Or not. Like I said, I am for the most part not interested in having kids. If I reach a point where I feel I need to love something unconditionally, I’ll get a dog. Until then, let me live in my cold, baby-less world.


P.S. I’m not into marriage either.

P.S.P.S. On a somewhat related note, here I am as a kid (yeah, I eventually got braces) with my wonderful cousin Sara. Memories.



Filed under BAD BANGS

9 responses to “Baby Talk

  1. Dee

    People who judge you based on the fact that you don’t want a child are just ridiculous. You should be applauded for knowing what you want, not put down.

  2. Nicole

    Could it be because of Italian views and values? You’re basically anti-whop in this sense… I don’t know if I ever see you with a child; you’ll just always be cool Aunt Melissa haha

    Kudos for knowing what you want.. and I know I want kids.. Come on, little mixed Asian babies! CUTEST EFFIN THINGS EVER! Danny and I will make beautiful babies

  3. Rob

    If you don’t pump out a baby or two it’ll be a waste of what are otherwise perfectly curved, baby-pumping hips.

    Might as well smack god right in the face (that smug bastard).

    (sorry jopo)

  4. Janet

    I think it’s great that you know you don’t want kids! I decided at a very young age that I don’t want kids either, and at 25 I got my tubes tied to ensure it won’t happen. I can’t see myself bringing a child into this world that I know will make me miserable. But that’s my opinion. And I figured if I ever decide to want a child, I can always adopt, and adopt someone older to avoid the diaper phase!

  5. GiGi D`Agostino

    wow this post was immature and stupid.

    If your mom thought like you, you would be still in a ball sack! One day, to be thrown into a kleenex, or a dirty sock.

    BTW you should tell your cousin that marrying her mother would be considered illegal and incestious. You should probably let her know before she blows all her money on a ring she cant afford. A broken piggy bank and a broken heart are deadly once mixed.

    this post brought to you by sarcasm , insufferable boredom and of course, hilarity.

  6. sara

    at first i thought i looked upset…
    but now that ive analyzed the picture, i think i probably just farted.

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