The Next Big Ass

Big surprise, guys – there’s a contest being held on the American Apparel website to find the world’s best butt. Shocker, I know. It’s basically a Hot or Not or Rate My Poo for asses. Remember those sites? They were like the best wastes of time ever. This contest is their evolution. It was bound to happen, really.

I think you can win a photo shoot and/or a gift bag, or something like that. Granted, the asses pictured are pretty spectacular (like the one I included in this post – HOLY COW) but come on now, this is all so vain. It also plays right into American Apparel’s often-lame, sometimes-infuriating advertising tactics. Do these girls really require ass validation? Is that needed nowadays?

Maybe it’s because I’m completely insecure, shy and awkward, but I would never do this. Even if you can’t see my face. I’m just not interested. I feel no need to sexify my butt – I wear grandma underwear that you can see through my tights and I don’t give a fuck. Strangely, I’ve never had any trouble attracting guys.

I really feel like taking a photo mocking the contest but I don’t know if it would come across as a joke. I think Liz Lemon could do it. I want to be Liz Lemon’s bestie so bad.

Anyway, guys, have fun popping boners or whatever.




Filed under BAD BANGS

3 responses to “The Next Big Ass

  1. Nicole

    An ass is better than the bush girl they had for the longest time… And she showed her face. So yes, this is, in a really sexist way, better. Haha

    • badbangs

      i didn’t mind the bush girl! though i wish that picture was on the back of a weekly and not blown up all over the front of the store.

  2. Rob

    You’ve solved my boredom for at least 10 minutes.

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