Sometimes I think about how the teenage version of me would hate me now. I mean, I have a reasonably high-paying office job, I listen to more Cat Power and less Adicts, and I’m about to graduate from university – the same university I dropped out of a few years ago. I even bought a condo. It’s like I’m a grown up or something.
When I was 15 or 16, if someone asked me where I thought I’d be in ten years (or even less, really), I would have probably said something like, “Dumpster diving with one of my nine roommates, then heading back to our gross Ontario St. apartment.” That actually sounds pretty awesome, but it’s just not me. Not anymore, anyway.
I may dislike the idea of having responsibilities and a mortgage, but I am excited to have quiet time in which I can read or listen to records without being interrupted by anyone; I can’t wait to bike to work; and I’m really looking forward to decorating my own place.
Spending my spare cash on piercings and tattoos was fun (really fucking fun), and though I’m sure I’ll still do that once in a while, I’ve come to terms with the stability my life now has. The truth is that I’ve grown into an old lady – a really old lady. I’m basically a 90 year old trapped in a young, beautiful body. Don’t believe me? I go to bed at 9:30 p.m. I can’t make it through the night without getting up once or twice to take a piss. I have grey hair. I’m playing a crossword puzzle RIGHT NOW. I read Canadian Living. I don’t realize how loud I’m talking. I don’t know what an iPad is (seriously, what is it?). I have lower back problems. I put Metamucil in my water. METAMUCIL.
In fact, I was talking with Hiba and Bianca last week, and Hiba was trying to get us to go to Jordan with her. She was like, “Come, it’s amazing. There’s this two-day festival on the beach with Paul van Dyk and Armin van Buuren. It’s packed with people and everyone’s on drugs!” Bianca was all into it. I was like, “That sounds terrible.” Large masses of people, electronic music (I had to Google both those DJs, by the way) and drugs? Who likes that stuff? I think I’d rather die.
OK, OK, I’ll admit it: I do kind of miss the fun I used to have – so I’m really hoping there are amazing times ahead of me. There must be, right? I figure the worst that can happen is being doomed to a life of solitude and boredom, but it just so happens that I like both those things. So I think I’ll be just fine.