I had my last test on Friday! I would have been done about a week and a half sooner but I accidentally forgot to go to a final. WHO DOES THAT?! I was so, so embarrassed. This particular exam was worth 60 per cent of my final grade. I’ve never failed anything in my life so there was no way I’d accept an F on my transcript. Luckily the teacher let me take the test at a later date with a slight penalty. Whatever, as long as I’m not failing.
I worked really hard this semester so despite my current heartache and emotional anguish, I decided to tear my butt off the couch and go out and celebrate. I met up with my friend Phil and watched the third period of the Habs game at Foufs. She got me Godiva chocolates! So good. Her friend joined us and we headed to Cafe Cleopatra’s 35 year anniversary party. If you’re a Montrealer who’s somehow unfamiliar with Cafe Cleo’s current predicament, allow me to fill you in – in an effort to ‘revitalize’ the Lower Main, the city is backing a plan to build Hydro Quebec offices and chic cafes and shops along the sketchy part of St. Laurent Boulevard. All businesses have given in to the pressure and have either shut down or relocated (even the famed Montreal Pool Room moved), except Cafe Cleo. Sadly, the strip club (bar, venue, whatever you wanna call it) is now facing potential expropriation. In some ways, the party acted as a benefit show. Even Johnny Zoumboulakis, the owner, came out during a Dead Dolls number and gave a little speech to the crowd. He’s awesome.
Though there were many notable acts, I was most stoked on the drag queens. I’d never gone to a drag show before. It was really fun. They were all beautiful (I was jealous of more than one pair of sweet legs), talented and hilarious. One of the hosts kept uncomfortably wiggling around and saying, “Sorry, I had to get it out of my ass.” It was amazing. There was party favors, too! Funny glasses, pointy hats, crowns and noisemakers. I played with the glasses all night. It doesn’t take much to please me. My favorite number was a rendition of Liza Minnelli on coke. I was actually supposed to go to Rockette after the show but Liza threw a big bag of cocaine (er, baby powder) all over me and I was forced to head home.
I went out on Saturday, too! This is unheard of from me. For those who saw me, yes, I was wearing the same clothes both Friday and Saturday. Yes, they were covered in baby powder. Leave me alone.
So my friend Tania and I went out for drinks. The first thing we noticed was how many douchebags were out. It reminded me of when I went to Korova last week and this loser cornered me and whispered, “You’ve got a great energy.” Ew. Thankfully no one spoke to me this week. No men, anyway – a pretty girl did approach me and say she loved my blog. I know it sounds like I’m lying but I’m not! I was so flattered. Dear girl, if you read this, let’s be friends.
At around 3:30 a.m. Tania and I went to the McDonalds on Sherbrooke near Langelier. We were waiting at the drive-thru when she interrupted whatever drunken, nonsensical thing I was saying with, “Mel, turn around.” I turned around and there was nothing. She told me to look again. To my surprise and disgust, there was a man staring at us and jerking off. Why does this keep happening? What is wrong with men? I rolled down the window and yelled, “Stop that!” Then he magically vanished into the dark. Seriously, he just disappeared. It was strange. Tania and I went on to express how gross this creep was and how he’d killed our appetites. We still ate, though. Mmm, McNuggets.