Tag Archives: Crushes

Dreamboat Alert

Oh man, I’m crushing SO HARD on Shaun White right now. There’s something undeniably attractive about this guy. I’m not even a fan of the Olympics but I love all the press he’s getting. I’ve become slightly obsessed with looking up pictures of him and watching his interviews. What a magnificent specimen. I seriously can’t get over how awesome he is. Look at this epic save:

He’s like the very definition of good times. AND he owns a frenchie which is only my favorite doggie ever to exist in the history of the world.

More of this bad ass motherfucker after the cut.

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Surprisingly Sexy Part Deux

I feel completely disgusting for even questioning this, but, um, is Carrot Top kind of hot? Because I saw him on TMZ – I never paid any attention to any gossip sites or shows other than my beloved ONTD, but I caught it on TV one day and I’ve been hooked ever since (speaking of which, WHO is that dreamy blonde boy?) – and um, he looked delicious. Oh God, even I can’t believe what I’m saying. But it’s true! And when the camera guy asked him, “Does the carpet match the drapes?” he answered with, “No drapes.” Hee hee! I don’t think he photographs well and he looks like he does unspeakable things to a lot of hookers but he also seems to have this weird charm in person.

I know for a fact that my attraction to this man is all kinds of wrong because the comments [taken from various sites] following this photo read “GAG!”, “Some things can never be unseen” and, “My clitoris just shriveled up and died”, among others. What is wrong with me? On second thought, don’t answer that.

-Melissa

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What Do Women Want?

I think I speak for all of us when I say, “THIS.”

Thank you, Vice Magazine.
What a DO.

-Melissa

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Surprisingly Sexy

Sometimes ugly people can be sexy. And when you think about it, sexy ugly is way more interesting than sexy sexy. Hollywood is packed with stars that aren’t conventionally good looking but ooze a strange sex appeal. Here’s a list of my favorite unsightly dreamboats.

10- CESAR MILLAN

cesar

OK, so Cesar isn’t exactly ugly, but he’s definitely not on the same lists as Brad Pitt or Antonio Banderas (btw; ew). Well, that’s because he’s even hotter. That salt and pepper hair, that meticulously groomed goatee, that friendliness and genuine love for doggies! OH, and that accent! I’m melting.

If you think that was a lame choice, don’t worry, it gets uglier.

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YM: Say Anything

I tend to use this blog as an outlet to complain. After reading many of my posts, you may think that I hate being a woman and that I bear a huge grudge against men. Well, that’s only partially true. In reality, I think being a girl is pretty awesome. Being able to indulge in juicy gossip, shopping to cheer myself up and experiencing the joys of multiple orgasms (a rarity, I’ll admit) are some of the more positive aspects of being a chick. My fondest girly memories are from that awkward pre-teen phase, where you’re on the brink of womanhood but are still pretty immature and childish.

Leo DiCaprioBeing a 12 year old girl meant innocent crushes, raisin sized boobs , your first ever period and an urge to be “cool”. My walls were plastered in BSB posters and magazine cut outs. I even had laminated pictures of Nick Carter and Leo DiCaprio (think Basketball diaries, pre-Titanic). Sleepover parties happened on a weekly basis and sending anonymous, glittery love notes to cute boys was something every girl did at least once a month or daydreamed of doing.

For my 12th birthday, I got some hair mascara, a walkman, a Garbage tape and best of all, a subscription to YM. I know what you’re thinking; yes, hair mascara. Mine was blue. Remember that stuff? Anyway, back to YM. It was your typical teen mag, filled with personality quizzes and tips on how to handle your first period. My fave YM section was ‘Say Anything’, which was a collection of embarrassing stories submitted by readers. I’m positive that if you’re a girl reading this you know exactly what I’m talking about. I can vividly remember sitting on my bed with my neighbor D reading out loud about other girls’ most humiliating moments. The formula was always the same: crushes, periods and involuntary flashing, but it always guaranteed a few gasps and giggles.

britDuring lunch one day, Melissa and I were reminiscing on how much we loved YM and how disappointed we were when the mag folded in 2004. Later that day, I scoured the net to see if I could find some reminder of YM’s existence. I was hoping their URL might still work. Maybe there was a chance someone had posted a few of our beloved Say Anything stories on a blog but no luck there either. Finally, I was lucky enough to find a book by the editors of YM called “YM: The Best of Say Anything” on Amazon but unfortunately for me, they didn’t deliver this particular book to Canada. I hate when that happens! My longing for nostalgia grew so strong that I decided to order it from Barnes & Noble, even though I had to dish out more money for delivery and for the conversion rate. Ten business days later, here I am holding the preteen bible of mortifying experiences.

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Homewreckers

Why do girls purposely hit on guys with girlfriends? My boyfriend and I went out Saturday. We were talking and having a nice time. OK, we weren’t exactly doing body shots off each other, but it was pretty clear that we were together. Two girls were standing around next to us. I eventually had to pee so I left him at the bar. I stood in line outside the washroom and within a few minutes, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. It was my boyfriend. I asked him what he was doing there, and he said that as soon as I left, the girls next to us started hitting on him. He felt weird and decided to come meet me. 

Bitches. They saw us together. I’m not furious or anything (mainly because I trust that nothing would happen anyway), but my boyfriend left so quickly that he forgot to take my drink off the bar. They owe me a vodka soda!

I have personally never in my life hit on someone with a girlfriend. I think it might be acceptable under certain circumstances – like if you were in love with your best friend of ten and a half years and his girlfriend was treating him like shit. Fine, in that case, go ahead. But when two people appear happy, why get in the middle of it? I don’t understand women like this.

It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to pick up women with the ol’ engagement ring trick. Wait, is that an actual episode? I only vaguely remember it. I may have made it up. Nonetheless, my point is that I guess married men seem more appealing. After all, they clearly aren’t afraid of commitment and they must have some pretty damn fine qualities if another woman decided to conceivably spend the rest of her life with them. But if the guy is willing to cheat on his wife or girlfriend with you, what makes you think he won’t end up cheating on you with someone else?

I guess I’ll never fully understand why women throw themselves at these guys. How horny can you be? I’d go as far as calling this a matter of respect. As women (and human beings in general), I think it’s only fair that we should respect one another. There are single guys out there, I promise. Find them.

-Melissa

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Too Much Information

I’m not really good with words or writing. Well, Melissa thinks I am, but I don’t. Maybe I’m just lazy. I don’t know, I think I’m more of a one liner type. I’m a really good story teller in person, too. That probably explains why I don’t write for the blog as often as I’d like. I have great ideas but when it comes to writing them down, I’m easily distracted. So I’m taking the easy way out. I’ve decided to compile a list of funny moments, weird thoughts, opinions and quotes.

One thing I like to do is text Melissa the grossest things I can think of. I know she appreciates this stuff. Plus, her office is sort of like a call center, so I’m always hoping she’ll read one of these when she’s on the phone and start laughing. Here are some gems I’ve sent her:

“I need to buy undies I perioded on them”

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