Tag Archives: Fashion

Summer Bummer: Sweat

I’m pretty sure I have a sweating problem. Or like, a sweating disease. The weird thing is that I rarely get pit stains or B.O. or any other tell-tale signs of perspiration – I’m just constantly covered in a thin but very shiny coat of sweat. Every part of my body sweats equally. Sometimes I swear I can feel my hair sweating. I know it sounds like I’m whining but trust me, it’s bothersome. It’s been especially annoying this week as Montreal is currently experiencing a heatwave. In the span of four days, my disease has gotten nine to ten times worse. I think my skin is melting. It wouldn’t be so bad if I felt others were as miserable as I am, but no, everyone seems to be tolerating the scorching weather quite well. While I am forced to alternate between my two pairs of acceptable length jean shorts and white or black t-shirts (any other color will reveal my extreme sweating), perfect Montreal girls are prancing around all over the city in their vintage summer dresses and cute shoes. Bitches! I am so, so jealous. I want to wear dresses and not have my bare thighs rub together, working up a heat so intense it feels like I’m dying in a fire. I want to wear strappy sandals or oxfords made of leather or other sweat-inducing materials and not have my feet make squishy noises as I walk. I want the possibility of wearing makeup without it leaking down my face. Instead I am forced to sport the same boring look, over and over again.

Today (like every other day), I was wiping beads of sweat off myself in the metro. I noticed that everyone was looking at me, their dry faces pitying my wet one. I then spotted a morbidly obese woman. She, too, was looking at me. She was aggressively stamping a beach towel all over her cheeks, neck and chest. She gave me a look of comiseration and acceptance, and slightly nodded her head – an “I understand,” perhaps. It was sweet and all but as far as I know, I’m not in the same category as this woman. I don’t have any health problems or addictions that would lead me to sweat like crazy. This sucks.

I’m sick of having to take ice cold showers as soon as I get in from my bike ride home; I’m sick of my hot face turning beet red; I’m sick of my ass sweating; I’m sick of my sweaty bangs morphing into a devil lock (well that one’s kind of cool, actually). I can’t wait for this heatwave to be over so I can go back to  being the attractive, moderately sweaty person I once was.

-Melissa

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Objectification Or Art?

Tavi just wrote a blog post about Terry Richardson. If you’re unfamiliar with either, I’ll describe them quickly. Tavi is a young (I think she might be 13 or 14 now) fashion blogger. She attends runway shows, serves as somewhat of a muse for certain designers, has been featured in Vogue, etc. Unfortunately, she’s also often heavily criticized and hated on. This is because people are assholes. Now, I don’t particularly like her style (then again, I know nothing about fashion and no doubt looked about a million times worse in my teens) but I’d never say a bad thing about her. I like this kid. She’s half my age and writes twice as good as I do, she’s doing her own thing and she’s getting to meet her idols. She rules.

I feel I shouldn’t even have to explain who Terry Richardson is. If you don’t know him, you most likely know his work. He’s a very famous photographer who’s worked for oh, I don’t know, just about every magazine ever. Physically, he’s most recognizable for his big ass glasses, great band t-shirts, plaid shirts and thumbs-up pose. I personally think he’s extremely talented despite the fact that outside of his editorials, his work has a very consistent (if not predictable) aesthetic. Anyway, this post isn’t about whether he’s talented or not.

A few months ago a model accused Richardson of sexually exploiting the young girls who pose for him. Other models have corroborated this claim. A stylist allegedly quit after becoming fed up of watching Richardson abuse two teenage Eastern European models who didn’t speak English. In an interview with The Guardian, Richardson was quoted as saying, “I don’t think I’m a sex addict, but I do have issues. […] I was a shy kid, and now I’m this powerful guy with his boner, dominating all these girls.” Excuse me; ‘dominating’? What a douchebag. Of course, many big-name industry people immediately defended the highly influential photographer, saying that it’s the models’ own fault for sucking Uncle Terry’s dick. They weren’t forced to – they simply chose to.

This is some of what young Tavi had to say about the situation:

“The girl should never be put in the position in which she has to refuse. I mean, sure, she could just not say yes, but there’s another person to blame, and that would be the person who could just not pressure a girl into performing those kinds of acts.”

“And, let’s clarify: you don’t love women just because you have sex with them and like taking pictures of their ladyparts.”

“I can already see the comments reading, ‘You feminists are so uptight! Let a stranger manipulate you into doing weird things to him for once in your life, gosh!'”

My goodness. I’m not sure if I want this girl to be my best friend or my daughter or what. Could she be any more awesome? You can read the rest of her post here.

I included some [COMPLETELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK!] questionable photographs Richardson has either taken or gotten someone else to take after the cut. I guess you can form your own opinion about his work. Objectification? Art? Something for him to jerk off to on his days off?

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Non-Boring Clothing

The fashion world strikes me as pretentious and dull. This probably isn’t surprising coming from a self-declared tomboy, but I simply don’t care about fashion. I don’t know what’s fashionable and what isn’t. I don’t read street style blogs and I’ve never purchased a fashion magazine in my life (though I will buy the March issue of Vogue because my role model for life Tina Fey is on the cover). Sure, I love shopping, but I basically buy the same outfit over and over again with slight variations. I wear whatever doesn’t smell bad and sometimes, if I’m feeling especially lazy, I wear whatever I slept in (like right now).

However, a fashion blog just came into my life and I’m already nothing short of completely obsessed with it. Third and Delaware features fashion highlights from every single episode of Roseanne. Yes, Roseanne. Fuck, I love that show and all the outfits it featured.

To further contradict my usual anti-fashion stance, I will admit that I also have somewhat of a fashion icon, one that goes hand-in-hand with the Roseanne cast.

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The Next Big Ass

Big surprise, guys – there’s a contest being held on the American Apparel website to find the world’s best butt. Shocker, I know. It’s basically a Hot or Not or Rate My Poo for asses. Remember those sites? They were like the best wastes of time ever. This contest is their evolution. It was bound to happen, really.

I think you can win a photo shoot and/or a gift bag, or something like that. Granted, the asses pictured are pretty spectacular (like the one I included in this post – HOLY COW) but come on now, this is all so vain. It also plays right into American Apparel’s often-lame, sometimes-infuriating advertising tactics. Do these girls really require ass validation? Is that needed nowadays?

Maybe it’s because I’m completely insecure, shy and awkward, but I would never do this. Even if you can’t see my face. I’m just not interested. I feel no need to sexify my butt – I wear grandma underwear that you can see through my tights and I don’t give a fuck. Strangely, I’ve never had any trouble attracting guys.

I really feel like taking a photo mocking the contest but I don’t know if it would come across as a joke. I think Liz Lemon could do it. I want to be Liz Lemon’s bestie so bad.

Anyway, guys, have fun popping boners or whatever.

-Melissa

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Dee Is The Best

My friend / coworker Dee knits really well. Last year, she made me these very awesome mittens:

And look what she’s making me now:

A piano scarf! With a cat! AND it’s reversible. She’s the best, so I just wanted to say thank you.

Thanks, wonderful lady!

-Melissa

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I Hate Jeans

I’m convinced that jean shopping is the worst thing in the world (aside from war, disease, poverty and all that). I like regular shopping but jean shopping is just the worst. Why is it impossible to find good ones? WHY? I had to buy a new pair recently and was about ready to cry. Not a single pair fit me properly.

Now, I have a usual brand: I tend to buy Miss Sixty jeans. They’re ridiculously overpriced (like $250 a pair) and sort of tacky but they last a long time and the stitching on the back pockets makes your ass look good. I mozied on over to the store and was ready to drop most of my paycheck on a new pair, but all of them were extremely ugly. They had gigantic labels and weird, over-the-top stitching and bedazzling. Who wears that crap? On top of that, I didn’t really like the staff (a girl sassed me), so even if I’d found a nice pair, I probably wouldn’t have bought it out of spite.

My second source for jeans is usually Gap. They’re comfy and affordable (~$80). Unfortunately, all of the much-hyped 1969 collection had some ugly ass pocket stitching going on. Clearly, ass pocket stitching is an important factor for me when buying jeans. There needs to be none at all, or subtle stitching that makes my butt pop out. I have no ass so this optical illusion is necessary. Gap failed.

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Skinny Model Fired For Being Too Fat

Filippa Hamilton, 23, had been a Ralph Lauren model for nearly eight years. She’s 5’10” and weighs 120 lbs. She says that her weight never fluctuated during the entire time she worked for Ralph Lauren, but that she was nonetheless fired for being too fat. Of course, the company disputes that, stating she was fired for not fulfilling her contract’s obligations. Nice completely vague reasoning, RL.

hamiltonIf Hamilton’s name sounds familiar, it’s because she was in the news recently for having been photoshopped to look grotesquely thin. Ralph Lauren took responsibility for that one, issuing an apology statement that read something like, “Too skinny? Oopsies.”

Hamilton’s response to her termination was, “I think they owe American women an apology, a big apology; I’m very proud of what I look like, and I think a role model should look healthy.”

Wait, what?

While I think it’s great that she called Ralph Lauren out, she’s not really a role model, nor does she look particularly healthy. With a BMI of 17.2, girl is actually underweight.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Hamilton is gorgeous. Her eyebrows are killer. She kind of looks like those McGill hipster girls I look nothing like and am totally jealous of. But to liken her body type to a role model’s, and to therefore imply that it’s healthiest, is just sort of insane to me.

Keep in mind that the average North American woman is 5’3.8″ and weighs around 163 lbs.

Having a little meat on your bones is hot, and it sucks to hear both a big ass clothing company and a model imply otherwise. I’m sick of this.

Still, good on her for calling out her bullshit employer when others might not have. I guess it’s a tiny step in the right direction.

-Melissa

Via LA TIMES

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