Tag Archives: Food

I Eat A Lot – So What?

My aunt came over on Saturday and made a comment about my weight, saying I was skinny. My mother immediately countered with “Are you crazy? Melissa’s not skinny.” I’m not? I don’t think I’m skinny-skinny but I always assumed I was, I don’t know, average-skinny. I asked my boyfriend if he thought I was skinny later on and his exact words were, “Well, you gained weight.” WHAT? Take note, boyfriends everywhere, that is not an acceptable answer. Something satisfactory would would have been, “You’ve never looked better.” I don’t care if you feel we’re at the stage in our relationship where we can be truly honest with each other – we’re not and we never will be. That stage doesn’t exist. Sometimes you have to lie (or at least sugarcoat things or change subjects). You cannot poke fun at things we have genuine issues with, especially if you plan on getting laid ever again. I’m actually pretty comfortable with my weight, but I don’t need you to tell me if I gained any. Did you ever think that maybe I REALIZE I GAINED WEIGHT? That maybe I ONLY HAVE ONE PAIR OF JEANS THAT FITS? That maybe YOU’RE BEING ANNOYING?

I guess I let his answer get to me because I woke up thinking about my flab this morning. Again, I don’t think I’m fat and I’m generally quite happy with how I look, but I make some bad food-related choices. I eat chips and chocolate together (I like the saltiness and the sweetness) as a snack, I’ve had curly fries for breakfast and I honestly love McDonald’s. I’m disgusting. Just yesterday I went to that rice pudding place near Concordia (aka heaven) and I had $12 worth of rice pudding. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot but think about it. Have you any idea how much rice pudding you can get for $12? A LOT. And although my stomach hurt quite a bit after, I didn’t even feel guilty that I ate so much. I felt guilty that I spent $12. I really needed at $12.

Maybe it’s time for me to become health-conscious before I bust out of yet another pair of jeans. Maybe I’ll do yoga. Maybe I’ll work out. Or maybe everyone will just have to accept me for the gross person that I am (let me live my life!).


(Edit: I think this post made me sound a teensy bit worse than I actually am. It’s not like I eat junk food all the time. And I may not go to the gym, but I walk just about everywhere. How can I describe my eating habits? Well, put it this way – some people turn to recreational drug use as a release from their daily responsibilities; I turn to pizza parties.)


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Hiba’s First Poutine

There are four food groups in Quebec, but they’re a little different from the ones you learned about in school. They consist, in order of importance, of: fries, cheese curds, gravy and Pepsi. Yeah, poutine is pretty much unavoidable here. Even our McDonalds’ serve it. Since I’ve entered this world, I’ve indulged in countless of these babies. They’re delicious at all times; so delicious that New Jersey decided to rip us off and “invent” Disco Fries. Bastards.

Hiba has lived here for two years. The other day, she randomly admitted to me that she’d still never had poutine. I couldn’t believe it. I asked her why and she said, “Because it looks like a heart attack.” Um, yeah, it does look like a heart attack, but does that mean you shouldn’t eat it? No. So in addition to inviting Hiba to her first concert, I decided to take her for her first poutine. Our destination? La Banquise.

She seemed pretty excited when I met up with her. She said that regardless of how it looks, she’d heard good things about poutine and more importantly, she was hungry. La Banquise can pretty much do no wrong in terms of fries, gravy and cheese, but I still wondered if she’d actually like it.

I assumed she’d play it safe and go for the original kind, but she took a walk on the wild side and opted for the Frank Poutine (I think). It has sausage in it.


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The Food Gods Hate Me

DSC02700I give up. I’m pretty sure some sort of higher force has it in for me and won’t let me have food anymore. As if it weren’t enough that everything gives me diarrhea, ugh. I find gross things in whatever I’m eating on a regular basis. A few years ago, cigarette ashes were baked into the center of a muffin I bought at Dunkin Donuts. And I ate it anyway! I was so hungry. That was the worst. A little while after that, I found a Band-Aid on the pizza I’d ordered. More recently, my aunt brought me an apple cake she’d baked. I remember how delicious it looked. I happily cut myself a slice. As I began to eat it, I bit into a big ass, sharp fingernail. I’ve refused everything she’s made since. Last week, I poured myself some Raisin Bran cereal. Minutes later, an extremely long, blonde hair dangled from my mouth down into the bowl. Ew! And now, a mere minute ago, I attempted to eat raspberries. I just pulled an equally long, mysterious hair out of my mouth. Why is this happening to me? Have I been cursed? Eating is the best. I’d like to continue doing it. What’s the grossest thing you’ve found in your food?



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