Tag Archives: Narcissism

The Next Big Ass

Big surprise, guys – there’s a contest being held on the American Apparel website to find the world’s best butt. Shocker, I know. It’s basically a Hot or Not or Rate My Poo for asses. Remember those sites? They were like the best wastes of time ever. This contest is their evolution. It was bound to happen, really.

I think you can win a photo shoot and/or a gift bag, or something like that. Granted, the asses pictured are pretty spectacular (like the one I included in this post – HOLY COW) but come on now, this is all so vain. It also plays right into American Apparel’s often-lame, sometimes-infuriating advertising tactics. Do these girls really require ass validation? Is that needed nowadays?

Maybe it’s because I’m completely insecure, shy and awkward, but I would never do this. Even if you can’t see my face. I’m just not interested. I feel no need to sexify my butt – I wear grandma underwear that you can see through my tights and I don’t give a fuck. Strangely, I’ve never had any trouble attracting guys.

I really feel like taking a photo mocking the contest but I don’t know if it would come across as a joke. I think Liz Lemon could do it. I want to be Liz Lemon’s bestie so bad.

Anyway, guys, have fun popping boners or whatever.

-Melissa

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Nude Piccies

pedobearVanessa Hudgens is at it again,  y’all. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to recap: a while ago, naked pictures of her leaked all over the Internet. I’d post a link, but she’s said to have been 17 at the time those photos were taken, making everyone who’s seen the pics a big pedophile.

Who is this Vanessa Hudgens, you ask? I’m not sure either. I think she’s a Disney star. And she has a hilariously bad song about sneakers. Otherwise, I don’t know anything about her. Except what her nipples look like, that is.

So yeah, now a new batch of nudie pics leaked! Apparently she was 17 in those, too. So no link. Sorry; Google if you must. I’ll give you a mini-rundown of the most important parts: in one picture, she has a Zac Efron poster on her wall and in another, she’s wearing a Zac Efron pin. I think that means that her relationship with Zac started as a creepy, stalkery obsession, much like the one I am currently harboring. YES!

But you know, people often ask me, “Mel, should I be photographing myself naked?” Well, no one’s ever asked me that, but if they did, I think I’d answer like this: “No.” Taking naked pictures of yourself cannot possibly be a good idea. No one can be trusted with this kind of treasure; I know I’d personally need to share the gift with all my closest friends. Unless you’re hoping to be seen and inevitably criticized,  keep it covered. There’s nothing wrong with showing off the goods, but you should only do it live, especially if you’re sort of famous. 

The same thing happened to both Cassie and Rihanna. Cassie was all, “Don’t act like you never seen a tittie before.” That was awesome. I’m trying, but I can’t remember Rihanna’s reaction; it must have been boring. But why did they take those pics in the first place? I think a lot of it goes back to something Maria discussed a few posts down – narcissism. These girls know they’re beautiful, and they shouldn’t have to take nude pictures, send them to some guy and wait for the inevitable “baby u hawt loll” reaction to remind themselves of it.

Or hey, maybe they took those pics for us – the Internet. Maybe they wanted them to leak to promote a new album or movie (V. Hudg. suspiciously has a movie coming out next week, I think), or maybe they love their body and just don’t give a shit who sees it. In either case, keep ’em coming, ’cause they’re giving us something to talk about.

To clear things up, no, I’m not a horny lesbian perv. Male nudes are welcome, too. I just like seeing famous people naked. What? I like to know that they have flaws, too. OK? Don’t act like you don’t click on those NSFW posts. They’re the best ones! Thanks, celebs. 

-Melissa

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You’re So Vain (I Bet You Think This Post Is About You)

I don’t go out as much as I used to. It got to a point where getting drunk and doing drugs got mundane and repetitive. Partying at the same bars, hearing the same [lame] music and making fake conversation with the same people got on my last nerve.

I started getting sick of it on one particular outing. It was a Saturday at some club, a couple of years ago. That night, it dawned on me that certain people aren’t partying to be with friends, meet new people or even get laid. No, some people go out to post pics of themselves on Facebook or Myspace the next day, thereby oddly upping their social status. You might think I’m crazy, but I know I’m not. I’ve discussed this theory with a few of my friends and they’ve all noticed and agree.

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