Tag Archives: Penises

Objectification Or Art?

Tavi just wrote a blog post about Terry Richardson. If you’re unfamiliar with either, I’ll describe them quickly. Tavi is a young (I think she might be 13 or 14 now) fashion blogger. She attends runway shows, serves as somewhat of a muse for certain designers, has been featured in Vogue, etc. Unfortunately, she’s also often heavily criticized and hated on. This is because people are assholes. Now, I don’t particularly like her style (then again, I know nothing about fashion and no doubt looked about a million times worse in my teens) but I’d never say a bad thing about her. I like this kid. She’s half my age and writes twice as good as I do, she’s doing her own thing and she’s getting to meet her idols. She rules.

I feel I shouldn’t even have to explain who Terry Richardson is. If you don’t know him, you most likely know his work. He’s a very famous photographer who’s worked for oh, I don’t know, just about every magazine ever. Physically, he’s most recognizable for his big ass glasses, great band t-shirts, plaid shirts and thumbs-up pose. I personally think he’s extremely talented despite the fact that outside of his editorials, his work has a very consistent (if not predictable) aesthetic. Anyway, this post isn’t about whether he’s talented or not.

A few months ago a model accused Richardson of sexually exploiting the young girls who pose for him. Other models have corroborated this claim. A stylist allegedly quit after becoming fed up of watching Richardson abuse two teenage Eastern European models who didn’t speak English. In an interview with The Guardian, Richardson was quoted as saying, “I don’t think I’m a sex addict, but I do have issues. […] I was a shy kid, and now I’m this powerful guy with his boner, dominating all these girls.” Excuse me; ‘dominating’? What a douchebag. Of course, many big-name industry people immediately defended the highly influential photographer, saying that it’s the models’ own fault for sucking Uncle Terry’s dick. They weren’t forced to – they simply chose to.

This is some of what young Tavi had to say about the situation:

“The girl should never be put in the position in which she has to refuse. I mean, sure, she could just not say yes, but there’s another person to blame, and that would be the person who could just not pressure a girl into performing those kinds of acts.”

“And, let’s clarify: you don’t love women just because you have sex with them and like taking pictures of their ladyparts.”

“I can already see the comments reading, ‘You feminists are so uptight! Let a stranger manipulate you into doing weird things to him for once in your life, gosh!'”

My goodness. I’m not sure if I want this girl to be my best friend or my daughter or what. Could she be any more awesome? You can read the rest of her post here.

I included some [COMPLETELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK!] questionable photographs Richardson has either taken or gotten someone else to take after the cut. I guess you can form your own opinion about his work. Objectification? Art? Something for him to jerk off to on his days off?

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Does Size Matter?

There it was, on the third page of this morning’s Gazette, staring up at me in big, bold letters – a headline asking, “Does Size Matter?” Interested, I read on. Sadly, it turns out they were referring to the number of kids in a classroom. I did what I assume everyone who attempted to read the article did: I walked away and got a bagel. I felt duped. They led me to believe they’d be talking about penises.

Nonetheless, my curiosity was piqued. I asked a few of my girl friends if they thought size mattered (and yes, in this case, I’m talking about dicks) and they all hesitated and said no. Liars! The answer is yes.

I mean, it’s not like we’re hunting for rare sausage. Most women are more than happy with an average size and actually prefer girth to length. Problems tend to arise when you’re seriously lacking in one or both departments.

If you’re fooling around with a girl and she reaches for your crotch and feels that you’re packing a really small one, she’ll be disappointed. I can guarantee you that. But will she leave? No. Well, probably not. See, we care about penis size, but it’s not the only thing we care about.

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Playing Doctor

I saw my first real life penis at the tender age of 8. As soon as I glanced at it, I knew it was something I shouldn’t be looking at. His name was Louis. He was a chubby strawberry blond kid with freckles and sweaty palms and a huge Pog collection.

We were neighbours so we used to play at each other’s houses pretty often. One fine day, he decided we should play doctor. He pretended he was a trucker and that he fell out of his truck and hurt something “down there”. I was the nurse who was supposed to take care of him. He pulled down his pants and he told me to put a band aid on it. I said no. He yelled at me and told me that we were no longer friends. I came home crying and told me my mom what happened. Bad move.

Kids forget fights easily, so me and Louis were playing in our alley a few days later. It was like I had never seen his weewee in the first place until his mom told me to come over because she had a gift for me. I sat at the kitchen table, as excited as an 8 year old could be, expecting a surprise – maybe she was going to give me Louis’ sick Pog collection, who knew? I went from excited and happy to mortified and freaked out in under a minute. His mom pulled out a book about the birds and the bees along with a sex education board game! I was stunned; I just sat there in awe and disgust. I listened as she told me about how a man and a woman who love each other come together to make babies. Eductional Sex BookThere were pictures of penises, hairy vaginas, ovaries and sex. After reading the book, we played the board game. I think the object of the game was to be the first sperm to fertilize the egg. I never forgave my mother for ratting me out like that. She got away with the sex talk by having another mom do it, which was pretty low.

I stopped playing with Louis as much. Whenever I did though, I made sure to steal a few of his Pogs.  

-Maria D


Filed under BAD BANGS