I don’t really hate summer; I just don’t think I can thrive during summer. There are several reasons why this season makes me cringe and grind my teeth, but I’ll discuss those in future posts. For now, I really have to bitch about my leg rash (commonly known as sweat rash).
The first time I noticed it was probably when it mattered most, in my late teens. This is when you (or maybe just me) stop dressing like a goth and realize that you have tits and legs and that guys might wanna makeout with you (yes, I hadn’t really made out ‘til my late teens). Instead of long, corseted dresses made of crushed velvet, I started wearing shorts, skirts and jeans. The shorts and skirts were and still are the real problem.
The friction between my thighs mixed with the heat and sweat creates these little red, unsightly bumps. They kind of look like diaper rash on babies’ asses. This rash is extremely uncomfortable and annoying. It makes you want to stop whatever you’re doing and slather on an entire Costco-sized bottle of moisturizer.
I thought that the rash occurred because my thighs were too fat (they are pretty big, I’m not gonna lie) – that’s why they rub against each other – but according to Yahoo Answers, your thighs are supposed to touch. When I started to type “are your thighs supposed to touch?” in the Google search bar, it actually filled out the rest of the sentence for me, so I guess this is a pretty common query.
But I digress; the real point of this post is to figure out if I am the only woman who suffers from sweat rashes. After much browsing, it appears that several men suffer from this condition, only they call it “jock rash”. None of my friends know what I’m talking about. I’ve tried sneaking a peak at girls wearing short shorts or minis but it’s kinda hard not looking like a perv. This rash has become a major handicap; if I wear shorts I have to minimize walking and if I wear pants, I have to die of heat. I’m at a loss. Summer has become a season I dread, the season that makes me think up lame excuses as to why I don’t want to walk around.
I’ve tried Gold Bond medicated powder; it alleviates the burning for a little while but doesn’t actually eliminate the rash. I’ve tried baby powder but I have to reapply every half hour and I always manage to somehow streak my clothes. I’ve tried zincofax (a cream for diaper rashes) but it leaves a white residue on my thighs. I’ve tried cutting leggings so that the region of my legs which rubs against itself is covered but that’s proven useless when I wanna wear shorts or a short skirt. My next endeavour is going to be applying deodorant to said region. For now, I have to stick with wearing shorts one day then pants the next in order to give the rash a chance to quell.
If there are any women out there who suffer from this horrible condition, please come forth. Stop hiding, stop pretending that the rash is “just an allergic reaction to a new cream” (I’ve used that one before), tell the world that you suffer from sweat rashes because your thighs rub against each other. Together we may be able to find a solution to this unbearable burning sensation, together we will finally be able to wear short shorts and walk long distances, together we will no longer fear spreading our legs without humiliation. Women with sweat rashes, unite!