Tag Archives: Yeast Infection

Crotch Rot

Alright, let’s get right down to it. None of this leg rash baby shit stuff. An issue far more pressing, not to mention annoying, is the yeast infection. I hadn’t gotten a single one of these bad boys until I started taking the pill. Apparently, my body was simply not made for oral birth control. After several gynecologist visits (not to mention several gynecologists – I had to change my original one because she was an idiot), I was finally told that when on the pill, my body produced extra plasma. This extra plasma stimulated the growth of yeast, hence the near monthly infections I ended up suffering.

My first yeast infection surprise-attacked me a little over two years ago, when I was 21. I was at work when all of a sudden, I felt a severe burning. I sat and tried to wait it out. After a grueling shift, I got up and started walking to the metro. Something horrible happened: I could barely walk. It burned like fire. I immediately called Maria Donna and started complaining. “God has done something awful to me,” I shouted. She told me to calm down, saying it was probably a yeast infection. I got home and made my dad go buy me Monistat. I could have asked my mom to go but I enjoy putting my father in awkward situations.

Thankfully, he saw how much pain I was in and went right away. In the meantime, I Googled symptoms. Burning? Check. Itching? Check. Cottage cheese-like discharge? Um, no. No discharge whatsoever. Yeasty, beer-like smell? Not really. Still, after reading several articles, it became quiet obvious that I’d fallen victim to the yeast monster.

So I stuck the cream thing in. It was uncomfortable. The stick looks like a dildo, only much thinner. I then went to bed, attempting to sleep with a towel wrapped around my bare ass (I was told the cream would leak out of me during the night). Unfortunately, I had some sort of reaction to the medication and it ended up burning EVEN MORE. Words cannot describe the amount of sheer pain I was in. I wept like a baby.

After an emergency gyno visit, I got my hands on some Diflucan (prescribed oral medication) the next day. It worked pretty well. The only problem was that for the next six or so months, I kept getting an infection during the first week of every birth control pack. I could no longer take Diflucan as my body had simply gotten used to it. So I looked up remedies online. I read that plain yogurt could alleviate symptoms, if not possibly cure the infection. Well, I was desperate, so why not? I dipped a tampon in yogurt in stuck it up there. The coolness felt good, and I actually recommend this if you have no means of getting to a drug store. The only downside was that family members were eating the yogurt, not knowing it was meant to go into my vagina.

 To avoid a potentially awkward conversation, I went ahead and tried Canesten – not the cream, the tablet. Success, finally. When I feel an infection coming on nowadays, I use only one of the 3 or 7 day tablets and I’m usually cured the next day. Of course, a more permanent solution for me would be to stop taking the pill, but I can’t bring myself to do that. It prevents me from having babies and it gave me bigger boobies (more on that in another post).

Lastly, another solution, depending on where in your cycle you are, is to wait it out. I’ve learned that your period will clear your yeast infection right up.



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